Somedays

When Scarlet was at the height of her emotional turmoil,

and we didn't even know there a was a specialty to her needs,

there were days I didn't know if we would survive.

There were days she would be in her room, screaming her lungs out,

furious for reasons beyond my ken,

and I would sit in a different room and sob.

I would cry while my whole heart broke.

I didn't know what to do!!

I didn't know what she wanted!!

I didn't know what the hell was wrong with her!!

Other days, I too would be furious.

Boil with rage and bitterness.

I would go outside and throw rocks and tear grass up from the roots.

I loved this child with every breath I took.

Why was our lives like this!?

Our family was in a constant state of high alert that was rapidly wearing down every member.

I loved Scarlet every minute.

But I doubted my competence as a mother,

as a mother in Zion,

as a woman,

as a person.

I doubted her ability to function as an a adult.

Her ability to function in life,

at all!!

An all encompaning sadness seemed to hang over our family.

It hurt.

What were we supposed to do?

Thankfully we received the help we needed and we have headed in a glorious direction.

Scarlet's program is working.

I have been warned to worry about 'labels'.

I'd like everyone to know I could give a royal rat's hat about labels.

My little girl is thriving.

And she cuddles with me.

And tells me she loves me.

And tells me "goodnight my beautiful land starfish".

And wishes me Happy Warthog Day.