Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Something Different

I've always tried to make sure Ella knows how beautiful and special her hair is.
She has taken that as the truth so far.
BUT she did realize that there was a tool that could make her hair straight!!
 Curiosity got the best of both of us and one day I caved.
We straightened out all her fabulous, gorgeous curls.
I did NOT like it at all.
She was excited initially, but the more it got in her face, I think the allure of it wore off.
It made her look SO different and SO big.
That was the worst part!!
But it was interesting to see how it looked!!

Chistmas Toys

The girls got little vehicles for Christmas.
They are so much fun!!....Unless they are vrooming around my house.
Then the fun gets annoying pretty fast!!
Scarlet loves her Mini four wheeler.
She doesn't realize she ahs to turn.
She just drives until she runs into something and then gets off and adjusts it.

 Ella's scooter has 3 wheels to help with her balance.
She likes to see how many ways she can ride it besides the actual, appropriate way!!
We also discovered the scooter is built for 2!!

Mommy Daughter Day

Some days I think Ella still struggles with school being all day!!
Since she went back to school after Christmas break, she has been a little needy in the evenings.
Plus Scarlet has gone to school now, so I make sure I spend a lot of extra time with her.
I think Ella was feeling left out.
So Saturday we left Scarlet with Grandma Bowler and headed to St. George.
It was a quick day.
We just needed to hit Walmart and the Beauty Supply store.
We ate lunch together and talked in the car.
I think it was what we BOTH needed!!!

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Roger's Spring

Today we went on a little adventure to Roger's Springs.
We loaded all of us into Dora the Explorer (my sister's SUV) and headed on our way!!
 I seriously threatened the children to not even TOUCH the water.
I didn't want to bring the brain amoebas home!!
Or whatever lives in there.
Aunt Joshlyn supplied us with some out of date hamburger buns and those little fish were in a feeding frenzy!!
It was worse than the carp at Echo Bay!!

 I was just waiting for Ella to tip over brain first into the micro organism invested pond, but she remained balanced.
It's hard for a paranoid person to go out into public, let me just tell you!!
 This was a bigger fish!! It was probably the size of a kio fish.
 We went on a little walk and even saw a turtle!!
It was a lovely day to get fresh air and have friends to play with.
Most Saturdays my children are left alone with me as their daddy works, so we're always excited for friends!!
Scarlet tried desperately to catch a fish with a stick and was MOST disappointed when she did not!!

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

A Big Day

In October, I sat in my therapist office.
My face was buried in my hands as I tearfully talked about Scarlet.
She is VERY hard.
I will not claim that is the most hard, but she is still very hard.
My whole soul bled out with the sadness I felt.
She never stopped crying.
She couldn't stop crying.
She didn't sleep.
And it wasn't just the every day drama of the average 3 year old.
This was some insane, intense situations!!
Every last moment of the day was met with stubborn obstinacy.
I couldn't do it.
I couldn't do it any more, but I had too!!
I couldn't leave my house.
She hated everyone and everything and I was pretty sure I was at the top of that list.
I had failed.
I had failed her.
I love her and would die for her but I couldn't make her happy.
I couldn't fix her!!
I couldn't take away the high emotions that were affecting our whole family's daily existence.
He kindly waiting for me to hit the bottom of my emotions and asked if I had ever heard of child find.
I had not.
It is simply the early childhood development class.
He suggested I look into it and get her tested, it sounded to him like maybe she was emotionally under developed.
I was taken back.
I had never thought about that.
She's big for her age.
She's smart.
I never took into account that her prematurity might effect emotions.
I had her tested and the results came back.
For Physical stature she is the size of a 4 1/2 year old
For Cognitive Behavior she performs at her age, 3 years 4 months.
In Communication she was also performing at the right level, 3 years 4 months.
In Adaptive Behavior she only functions at the age of a 2 year 5 month old.
Her Emotional-Social level was that of a 1 YEAR 11 MONTH OLD.
Some how, something in brain had just not clicked out of that of a not even 2 year old child.
I had been trying to guide her through the terrible 2's for almost 2 years.
She qualified for the Early Childhood Development class.
Brent and I left the meeting with all the child psychologists and specialists, and I cried the whole way home.
For more than one reason!!
All those times I had been so hard on her, so impatient, so pissed!!
All those times I had sent her to her room or put her to bed early.
She literally had just not understood.
But my baby was NOT broken. She just needed a little outside help from someone who could be removed from the situation.
I was sad I wasn't the one who could that for her.
But rejoiced there was someone who could!!
She started today.
I was a little heart sore.
Her hours are the same as kindergarten.
My baby has a back pack, a class room and a bus!!
But I want what is best for her, and we all need to help her move forward.
Something just hasn't clicked yet in her brain, a brain that at 32 weeks gestation, had not yet developed the needed grooves at birth.
And now she has the chance to be guided to a place where that thing does click,
before she's older and the work to get her to that place would be difficult if not impossible.
She can go into society functioning at a level appropriate for her age.
I miss her and Ella every day.
But I'm happy she gets to expand her horizons and learn the skills she will need to grow and mature and function in every day life.

Monday, January 5, 2015

New Beginnings

My goals for 2015
1. Lose weight. I know that every other woman in the valley probably has the same goal, but I gained A LOT last year and it is time to do something about it!!
2. Practice the skills I learned in my parenting class. Even if I have to read the manual every day!!
3. Go to the temple quarterly. We've had poor temple attendance since we had children. It's all about what I know we can accomplish!!
4. Not buy a single article of clothing for the ENTIRE year!!
I have a ton of clothes and do NOT need any more!!