Thursday, July 30, 2015


I get stirry every now and then and need some change.
So I paint!!
 I looked at my table one day and thought to myself, "I don't really like black furniture."
It's lovely but it just isn't my taste.
So I refinished it!!

My mom gave me this entry table that she was going to get rid of.
It was originally a maple color.
So it got painted too!!
And then I added some knobs. I was brave and didn't go with something traditional.
I'm not done decorating it, but I'm picky and haven't found the right thing yet!!

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Fragments of Summer

I love the summer because there are no rules.
We are relaxed and play and watch too much tv.
And I don't care!!
We stay up late and sleep in.
We swim and craft and see friends.
I do try, however, to do work books at least 4 days a week.
I worry Ella will lose what she has learned.
Elementary isn't what it used to be people!!
It's cut throat now!!
Little ones need to go into kindergarten needing to know letters, and sounds, and will be reading by the end of the year.
When I was there, we LEARNED our alphabet.
I was brilliant, therefore knew mine already.
But I digress.
I feel like children are pushed pretty hard to meet the standards of some obscure committee somewhere that sat down and made some rules, but don't really know what it's like to be in a class room.
But off that tangent!!!
So I love summer for the reasons listed above!!
But I. Hate. The. Heat.
And this July hasn't even been bad!!
In fact, for southern Nevada, it's been down right nice!!
The freshness of our freedom is growing stale, and we're beginning to get bored and crave a schedule.
And the worst part of summer?
The delicate thread that is the improvement Scarlet made in her class is frayed.
Any parents with a child with extra (and/or) special needs will shiver at that word.
And a piece of me starts to look forward to school.
And then a different piece sees that, and dies of sadness.
And a different piece tells me to be brave.
And a different piece holds my daughter close as she's screaming for an hour.
And that piece splits in two.
Half wants to hold her and shush her and just bleeds with sadness.
And the other half wants to scream until my throat explodes and then break stuff.
And all those fragments are in a handful and I'm not sure which one to look at first.
So I throw them away.
And I don't look at any of them.
I look at my daughter.
And I tell my self it will be ok.
Just like the doctors and teachers and friends and parents promise me it will be.
And I fight tears.
Because NO I will not cry!!
She's hard.
Now what.
NOT now what?
Now what.
This is what she will show you if you ask for her crazy face.
She's so beautiful.
She has moments of sweetness that shoot white hot threw all the other chaos and strike right at the center of my heart.
She is my daughter.
And I need her.

Saturday, July 25, 2015

We're All Mad Here

I love and hate summer all at the same time.
I love no schedule and not worrying about school and have the option to be lazy.
I hate having no schedule and being lazy and having to find something to do besides swimming.
So every few days we crack up and start doing weird things!!
 Scarlet found the size 18 month unicorn costume in the closet and insisted on wearing it. long legged snipe could only wear it as a cape!!
 Ella decided to put on my sweatpants(shorts).
And then proudly walked threw the entire store with her purple fairy wings.
There is only 4 more weeks of summer vacation and I have to enjoy every minute!!
I'm not ready to share my little chickens yet.

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Happy Birthday My Love

Today is Brent's birthday.
He is an amazing man that I complain about too much.
Because I can say with confidence, there is probably no other man on this planet who would put up with my crap like he does.
He is patient and calm and kind.
He is a loving man of few words but his strength and his spirit compensates for that quiet nature.
He holds his priesthood with worthiness and has used it for us with out hesitation.
He is brave and handsome and sweet.
 This is how Brent sleeps.
Flat on his back, arms crossed.
He doesn't move.
Because I am all over him all night.
I roll around and steal the blankets and his pillows.
I use HIM as a pillow and I'll wake him up to roll over and hold me when I have bad dreams.
He doesn't complain or scold or get upset.
He simply puts his arms around me, tells me monsters aren't real and soothes me back to sleep before his alarm goes off.
He lets me collect furry creatures and clothes I don't need when I am trying to fill some void.
He loves his children and is never harsh with them.
I will say that I have a lot of freedom in my marriage.
Brent doesn't care how the house is decorated.
He doesn't try to manage how I dress or how my hair looks.
When I gained 35 pounds he always told me I was beautiful.
I was feeling ugly the other day and when he reassured me I was beautiful, I told him I didn't believe him because he had told me that 35 pounds ago!!
He responded with out guile that was because 35 pounds ago I WAS beautiful.
Yes I gained weight but that didn't change how he saw me.
And that is why I love him.
Because he accepts me with out question.
He loves me and supports me and redirects me when the beast comes out in me.
All with patience and kindness.
He works a dangerous job that wears him out, but he has never let it steal his soul or question his faith.
Above is what I call "The Red Vest of Death".
His bullet proof vest suffocates his skin for about 4 months out of the year.
No essential oil, or lotion, or cream. or Aquafor has cured this awful chaffing rash.
But every morning he puts it on, and doesn't complain.
He just comes home and I find him rubbing against door jams and walls to scratch where he can't reach.
I love you Brent.
Thank you for all you are and everything you do.

Monday, July 13, 2015

Happy Birthday to Ella!!!

I can NOT believe Ella is 7!!
Wasn't she just off to Kindergarten!?
I wish I could freeze her in time at 5.
I loved 5!!
 She's a sweet, loving, smart, funny little girl.
Even if ahe is a little challenging sometimes!!
 We went into Vegas to Build a Bear and then had some frozen yogurt.
15 flavors and what does Ella want?
 We got her an easy bake oven.
Now she can bake cookies to her little hearts content with out ME!!!
 And we got her a punching bag.
I think this is going to work wonders for her self expression!!

Happy birthday to my golden curled beauty.
I love her so much.

Friday, July 10, 2015

Build A Bear

Part of Ella's birthday this weekend was going to build a bear!!
It was so fun and the girls were so cute and excited!!


Ella chose a Night Fury
and Scarlet chose Nightmare Moon....the evil pony.....
My daughters have always been unique!!

Growing Up....Kind Of

Scarlet will be 4 in a month.
The problem with this is, she has developmental delays in social and emotional areas, so she's stuck in an amorphous state of being 2 1/2.
It's really hard some days.
A lot of days.
 But today we went to Vegas for Ella's birthday and decided to get her ears pierced!!
 She was very brave.
We only did one ear at a time.
She didn't cry, she just squeezed her eyes very tight.
 And wanted to be held very tight.
 Daddy stood guard with her new Luna.
Real men hold ponies with out blinking.
Here are her 'diamonds'!!
She's so sweet.
Just so so so intense!!!
She was so excited, and so am I!!
Earring are so fun!!

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Independence Day

This year the 4th of July was lame.
And not in a good way!!
I didn't have any plans.
I woke up thinking I would try to take the girls to swim and have some ice cream.
But I didn't really know what I was going to do.
Then I received notification that Brent had been in a shooting and to stand by for information on that.
So our plans went on hold and we sat around and did nothing while waiting to see what happened.
I already knew he was ok.
But I wanted to know what happened!!
But sitting around all day waiting to hear the story got frustrating!!
Then the fire works show was a bust.
Some exploded on the ground, messing up the rotation.
They got it figured out and it started again, but then as we are headed to the car, all the extras just explode all at once in a flaming ball of sparks.
Annnnnnnd my back was to it.
Scarlet whined and fussed threw the whole thing anyway,
and Ella was paranoid a bug MIGHT be in the grass.
Then my phone died as we were waiting for the fireworks.
So I got this ONE picture.