Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Hysterectomy: In Reflection

Today I am officially 6 weeks post op from my surgery.
The last 6 weeks have been a slow blur.
The days were long, boring and slow.
And they were are a mottled blur.
I am having a hard time finding the words to describe the whole experience.
A hysterectomy, alone, will cause a chaotic swing in hormones,
but with my special circumstances (malformed uterus)
they have been especially unbalanced.
Frankly, I feel like a crazy person!!
All that I feared manifested before me and I can not say I handled any of it with grace or dignity.
There were many days (more than I would like to admit) spent laying in my bed,
eating all the sugar with in my reach,
and if it was not with in my reach,
I sent Brent for it.
I wept for what I had lost and all that I felt.
I have also come to learn,
that when the world asks "How are you?"
They don't really want to know how you really are,
they want to hear "I'm good!!"
And if you do not answer, "I'm good!!"
They will push until an acceptable answer is given.
"At least it's been a week/month!!"
"But your on the mend!!"
"It could be worse!!"
And I, being a negative yet honest person, does not like lying.
I finally resorted to, "Awful. But better."
Because I felt/feel awful.
No, my life is not awful. I have a lovely family, a cute home, an obedient dog.
But a hysterectomy comes with some crappy stuff!!
I have 'pregnancy mask'. Brown spots spontaneously all over my face.
I gained about 8 pounds.
And do you know what happens to muscles, especially abs,
when they go from working 5-6-7 days a weeks to NOTHING?!
Picture a can of biscuit dough.
Have that be your abs!!
Add to all those facts what has been lovingly coined as 'swelly belly'.
During surgery they pump you full of gas to expand your stomach so they have room to work around all your other organs.
Then they seal you up.
The gas has no where to go and has to just dissipate all on its own.
And there is NO. WAY. TO. HELP. IT.
4 weeks post op.
This was the night a lady from our neighborhood, on her daily walk, saw me standing in the driveway as Brent brought in the trash.
"Oh!! Are you pregnant too?!"
Definitely NOT pregnant.
I shook my head and replied, without the snarl I wanted to include,
She had the decency to look properly ashamed and sputtered for a second before she gave up and power walked away.
Now, I will grant her that I am extremely sensitive and moody,
so I will not go burn her house down
Thankfully, the swelling is down, almost all the way, I think.
I'm pretty sure any puffiness I have right now is due to over indulgence in sweets instead of gas.
I don't know why I can't find comfort in carrots!!!
After that bitter, nasty diatribe,
I will admit,
I am feeling better.
My physical limitations are slowly being removed,
and before I know it,
I'll be back to bitching about Autumn and how she wasn't loved enough as a child.
My stomach still gets sore,
I'm still tired and worn out easy.
On average I need 6-7 hours of sleep at night.
I get up really early because I like it.
I like the peaceful dark,
and the dawn of a new day.
But now!! I sleep easily 10 hours a night!!
3 days after my surgery I slept for 20 hours!!
Not in a row, mind you, but I had done too much the day before,
like talk or watch TV or go to the bathroom,
and exhausted myself.
I would wake up long enough to eat, take pain meds, and go back to sleep.
My emotions are still in the red zone,
but not nearly as intense as they were.
Imagine the WORST pms you've ever had,
times a hundred.
I apologize for my bitter, negative energy.
For anyone who actually read this whole post, leave a comment and I'll bake you cookie,
because you are a true friend.
I AM feeling better and I can't wait to get back to my normal self.
But not just my normal self,
a BETTER normal.
That is why I had this surgery,
to have a better quality of life.
I don't want to have it all wasted because my attitude bogs down into the quagmire
of bitterness, regret, and jealousy.
Tomorrow is my post op appointment and the beginning of more than a new day!!
It is the beginning of a new chapter!!
A better normal.

Monday, April 17, 2017

Easter Sunday

I am VERY bad at remembering to take a picture on the Sunday of holidays.
Always forget Christmas outfits,
Easter outfits,
I forgot Ella baptism!!
I made sure this year!!
Maybe next year Brent will be in the picture with us.

My girls love my father.
My Grandpa Leavitt got sick when I was young,
so I spent most of my life missing him and worrying about him.
And I was very close to my Granny.
My dad's dad,
we're not close.
I am very happy my daughters have a grandpa who would move heaven and earth for them.
He collects them feathers,
and hugs them,
and tries to lift them even though his back threatens to cripple him every time.
Obviously they have two grandfathers, and they are both stalwart, wonderful men,
but today I smile at the pictures of them with my father.
Because they are always so excited to see him,
and worry he's alone at church,
and see birds, or bugs, or plants,
 and have no doubt that he knows the name of them.
They love him.
And so do I.

Friday, April 14, 2017

Easter Morning

 First step out the door!!
It was a little chilly!!
Enough to wear jackets.
 Scarlet on the hunt!!
Ella, the heat seeking egg finder!!

Coloring Eggs

My posts are out of order because I wasn't smart enough to figure out how to down load pictures from my camera.
Dying eggs was so fun this year!!
We did it early, before the egg sale at the store,
so my best bargain was the 5 dozen flat...
We will be eating a lot of eggs the next few weeks!!
I even boiled an extra 1/2 dozen for me and Brent!!

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Clark County Fair

It's fair time again!!
I like the fair.
I'm a country girl and I enjoy going to see the animals.
Especially since I haven't had them out my back door in such a long time.
I love the fresh air.
But most of all,
I love I see the pure joy my children have.

 This sums up their personality.
Ella in the pink sporty coup.
Scarlet in a massive blue hummer.

 Such happy happy chickens!!
 And of course face paint!!
Scarlet requested a lady bug before we even stepped on the fair grounds.
Ella wanted an exotic tiger eye.
 This is their new favorite attraction!!
This is the first year we didn't do pony rides.
They had to make a choice between the 2 and they wanted bubbles!!
And the teenage boy who runs them with his family is a sweet heart.
 Dinner is served!!
We had a great year!!
Brent and I agreed,
If you don't leave the fair sunburnt,
gritty with sand,
and full of cholesterol,
you didn't do it right!!!


We sent Easter Bunny an email last week,
asking him if he could please come early this year,
since Brent has to work Easter Sunday.
He agreed!!
So we had Easter On Wednesday this year!!

 It was a beautiful, crisp morning.
Ella popped out of bed at 6am,
as is her nature.
Scarlet soon followed!!

 I found these fun confetti eggs at Walmart!!
I was the one who MAYBE started the egg throwing......
My cat has been so weird lately.
She is mostly a lazy, ornery, unpleasant beast,
who really doesn't serve much of a purpose.
Very rarely she will show some small form of affection to us and then we
all swoon and mush over her.
Then she goes back to reining in righteous indignation.
But lately!!!
She's been wanting to be petted.
She's been playing with sticks of all things!!
She ran around crazy while the girls hunted eggs and would randomly start furiously digging in the dirt, only to spring away and pounce on a leaf.
Kato did not join us.
His big weenie butt stepped outside,
felt the cold air,
and noped out in a stumpy, brown blur.

Sunday, April 9, 2017

Grandpa's Birthday Party Egg Hunt

April is one of my favorite months.
It has my Dad's birthday,
and usually Easter.
I love Easter.
I love Spring time and flowers.
The grass starts to grow and the morning air is moist.
With both our families in the Valley,
we have to balance when we are going where.
Some times the parties over lap and we are rushing from one to the other,
and if my children aren't over stimulated,
I am!!
So my mother was gracious and we had Alderete family Easter fun for my dad's birthday.
It makes me so happy to see my children so excited.
Their eyes light up as they bound around the yard and find their eggs.
They help each other and their cousins.
I love my family.
I love that we all live here,
with exception of my turn coat brother,
but we forgive him. hehe
I love I get to see them.
I love that they serve me.
I love that I can depend on them.
I love that their spouses are my siblings.
And I love their children.