Scarlet's birthday is on Thursday and I can not believe it!! As the day gets closer, I have found myself remembering back to her birth often. I try not to dwell on her prematurity, but it's hard. Because IT was HARD. I have had random flash backs of the way the elevator felt as it ascended to the 4th floor. How weird the soap smelled at the wash station. The beeps and sirens of the machines. The heart break I felt as I drove away from her. How I physically hurt so much from my C section, but I had to drive into see her because I just couldn't NOT. I can almost smell the burnt, hot smell of her spending hour after hour under the billi lights. I remember her parched skin and the way she mewed like a little kitten.
I remember all those things, and they were very hard. Very traumatic. But I love her so much.
She has been so hard. She is extremely needy and has severe separation anxiety and always has. I don't think it is going to be something she grows out of like other children. She hates virtually everything, including me most days. She cries inconsolably and hysterically multiple times every day and it is exhausting and frustrating.
I was sharing my feelings with Brent recently and he remembered with me.
Scarlet had an amazing day yesterday. She didn't have to be taken out of church. She willing slept, ate, played. Didn't have one hysterical melt down. I was elated!! We talked about her and her special spirit and how much we loved her. Brent recalled that when he gave me a blessing before they took me into have a c section, he said that Scarlet was coming so soon because SHE was READY. She was ready and she was a strong spirit. I had not remembered that and I was so touched that Brent did. Brent has a TERRIBLE memory so it was divinely inspired for him to remember!!
Scarlet has been vastly behind in her development. She wasn't just the 2 months she came early behind. At one time she was 6 months behind. She couldn't sit up until she was 9 months old!! Didn't crawl until a year!! Didn't walk until 18 months!! I thought we were going to spend a lifetime of being 10 steps behind and struggling to reach every mile stone. And then in May something just clicked and she is now at an average to above average level. The only thing I can claim to say she is over the average level, is in her speech. Everything else is right on track. And I can not describe how happy this makes me. That is all I want for her. Is to just be up to speed!!
I am so grateful for her and when I post about her birthday party, I will not be so serious. But sometimes I just need an emotional moment to let myself remember how hard it all is sometimes. I do not let myself dwell on it often. I don't want it to consume us. It happened and it was very difficult but it will NOT make us who we are!!
Scarlet really loves to eat. It just has to be on her terms. She was under the assumption that salsa was soup. She ate a ton of it!!
Her hair is pretty curly!! Not crazy, rarely seen curly. like Ella!! But still pretty curly!!
More eating. I could NOT cut it off the cob. She HAD to hold it!!
She loves to swim. She has a fork with watermelon on it because why wouldn't you eat watermelon in the pool?!
I have serious concerns she is going to flood her lungs with the hose one day!! She loves to just stick her face in the running water!!
We love Scarlet so much. She is a tender, sweet little girl with a fierceness I believe she will need in her later life. I truly believe the world is going to need strong women in her generation and she will be one of them.
