Saturday, November 3, 2012

Here's MY weight loss story


I was hesitant to write this because it seems like every time I check a blog lately, I’m treated to someone patting themselves on the back. That’s great for them and all, but sometimes I just roll my eyes. I hate….maybe hate is a strong word…. I strongly dislike……constant bragging. When I read a success story and that person tells everyone that if they would just try, and worked hard, and ate right, they could lose weight too. If they don’t then they just aren’t trying hard enough. That always brings a scoff to my lips!! Cuz let me tell you what!! I try VERY hard. I am comfortable in saying I probably try harder than the average person, and it IS NOT EASY. I can do what everyone else does and it isn’t effective for me. And I know I’m not alone.

So that is why I’m writing my ‘success story’. Because I want everyone out there who just couldn’t take another day of damn vegetables, or who cried themselves to sleep at night because they were so hungry, or who had to sit and watch their friends and family eat cake in front of them, or who eats less than their thin friends but is still bigger, to know that it is HARD. It is hard, and it doesn’t work the same way for everyone, and that SUCKS. It’s frustrating, and emotional. And guess what? I can’t even say to never give up. I’m sorry, I can’t!! I have given up many times. I have come home from running with legs that are aching so badly, tears are in my eyes, and I have thrown my running shoes in the closet and left them there for weeks.

I recently went to a Pilates class. (which by the way, I love) I was feeling discouraged that day anyway, so I was already set up for negative feelings!! I sat down and we all started our work out. I began to look around and realized, of the other 6 women in the class, I was the BIGGEST one. Every. Single. Women. Was a size 2 or less. I asked myself, how am I ever going to measure up to that? I can work as hard as I can but I am NEVER going to have legs so thin they don’t touch!!

I finished my class, went home, cried my eyes out and ate icecream.

Now there is good news to this story. I woke up the next morning and went for a walk with my mom. I related my despair to her with much swearing and grinding of teeth. But as I said it out loud, I realized something; my legs are NEVER going to NOT touch each other. But this time, I realized, that was ok. Because MY body is just NOT built that way. I had found my inner peace. It took a LONG time for this to somehow click into to place. And it was NEVER going to click into place until I was ready for it. So a few days later, I went back to Pilates. I laughed with my friends and I was happy that they were there to improve themselves. Would I force feed them brownies on a bad day? Yep. But that’s a whole different story.

I don’t do crazy cleanses or cut out sugar or carbs. Because guess what? I LOVE SUGAR AND CARBS AND I WILL NEVER EVER GIVE THEM UP. I won’t because I LOVE them and I don’t want to!! I probably could for a small amount of time, but I will never do it permanently.

AND I love red meat and potatoes.

Good news is: I also love fruits and vegetables. I do not like soda.

 

In conclusion, after 10 months of hard work, I have officially lost my baby weight. I lost 30 pounds. I had lost 27 pounds as of June 18th, snapped after having not lost a SINGLE POUND SINCE APRIL, and went on an eating binge/ scathing exercise protest for 2 months, and gained half it back and had to start over in August. (Holy run on sentence! Hey, I ain’t no English major!)

I am very happy to be at this place. I am happy my clothes fit. I’m happy I’m not uncomfortable or even more insecure than I already am!! Were all those damn miles I ran worth it? I can’t with complete confirmation say yes. I can say that I’m glad they were effective. I’m glad they made me feel better. But in all honesty, if I didn’t have to run, I wouldn’t. It hurts. It’s hard. It’s either cold or hot. It takes time. Time away from my family and my home. But I am grateful that I have a functioning body that is, for the most part, healthy. I’m grateful for my husband, who gets rousted from his sleep so I can get out before it’s too hot to go. I’m grateful for support and kindness.  

I would like to tell everyone out there who is frustrated, and discouraged, and angry-
Power on sister!!
Hate those skinny bitches!! Hate nasty diet food!! Hate weight watchers!! Throw those stupid shoes and refuse with righteous indignation to not go to class for a night!! Give up for a day or a week. I do not suggest any longer than that, as I can attest to you the work is only that much harder. But don’t quit.

We are out here!! We are discouraged and frustrated!! We understand and we will listen!! We will hate with you!! Roll your eyes at that stupid girl!!

Celebrate success!! Even if success is “I only ate 10 cookies instead of 20!!” or “I walk down the chip aisle at Lin’s and I did not buy anything” or “I went for a walk today when I really didn’t want to.”

But  most importantly: find your inner peace. It is HARD to find inner peace. HARD. And no one can do it for you, or make you do it. And some times that inner peace leaves or gets lost. Find it again. Find it and hold on to it a little bit longer this time.

 

"I have missed over 9000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I have been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." Michael Jordan

3 comments:

Nadja said...

Preach it, sister.

ShEiLa said...

Thank you Miss Ashley!!!

My struggle is a lifetime one... and with my health issues and constant chronic pain... it makes the battle even harder. I must admit that at times I feel like tossing the white flag of surrender. But I keep on keepin' on.

My cholesterol was 259 and is 186... that is something to celebrate. I did it without medication. Just watching what I eat.

Thank you for sharing your story... because I know it's real and you don't 'sugar coat' the reality.

ToOdLeS.

Trent & Tara said...

Great post...finding our inner peace as mothers/women is so crucial and we have to love our not perfect/child bearing bodies. And just try and do what we can and what makes us happy. And not compare ourselves with others I think that is so key.