Wednesday, February 20, 2013

The Specialist

I am usually, by nature, a very private person. I don't like to share all my drama and struggles. Not because I'm secretive. I just figure no one wants to hear about it!! The exception to these intendencies is my hormone/ reproductive system problems. I wonder if people wonder why I would be so open, to the point of posting it on here for all to see, about something that is so especially private.
Two reasons:
I feel the need to explain myself.
I want to protect myself.
 
With all the nasty problems I suffer from comes equal if not great nasty side effects. The one I hate the most is weight gain. I can easily gain 20 pounds in an 8 week period. Or 8 pounds in a week long period. Some of you may not believe this. You may believe it's gluttony that brings me to such a state. Or laziness. Or I'm exaggerating.
I'm not.
 
My body does not tolerate or metabolize insulin the way it is supposed to. Most people who suffer from diabetes have insulin problems that stem from their PANCREAS. That is not my case. My insulin intolerance comes from my OVARIES. 
 
 
I went to my new specialist yesterday. I have been putting off this appointment since last July. I hate doctors. I hate tests and the same questions over and over and over with little to no improvement. But I decided it was time to bite the bullet and see what he had to say.
I'm not going to go through the whole mess that we discussed. I just don't want to talk about it. Not in a dramatic, secretive way. Or that I am vying for attention.
I don't even have it sorted out in my head yet, I'm not capable of explaining it. It was incredibly over whelming.
The 3 most upsetting things we discussed have lurked in my mind for the last 24 hours. Interestingly, or pathetically, enough, these things aren't even technically medically related.
 
1. NO. MORE. SUGAR. EVER
I starred at my doctor and I felt like he had just told me my sibling had died. I felt denial and panic and an overwhelming urge to just cry my eyes out right there. He assured me I did NOT have to follow a diabetic diet. Diabetics are allowed ZERO fruit. I would have walked out of that office right then and let myself just get fat, hairy and die before I was going to live my life trying to avoid fruit. I have to abandon sugar in the un-natural from. No candy, chocolate, cookies, cakes, pie, icecream, etc etc.
I love sugar. Maybe to a point where I may or may not be mildly addicted to it......FINE!!! I LOVE THAT NASTY SHIT AND I AM FULL ON OBSESSED WITH IT AND I SHOULD BE IN REHAB!!
Yep, that's right. I love food. I love junk food. I love meat and carbs and sugar. I've never denied that, and I TRY VERY HARD to eat healthy and be careful. But I have periods of my life where I eat a lot more of it than the average human should.
 
2. Limit carbs to 1-2 times a week.
This is hard as well, because you would amazed at the stuff that carbs in it!!
My diet must now consist of lean protein, fruits, veggies and dairy.
And some of you may be thinking, "Isn't that how EVERYONE should eat?"
NO. It is not. If I eat carbs or sugar, my body can't properly break them down. So instead of them being digested and excreted, they surge through my blood and can't filter out. They are just stuck there until they're diluted and absorbed and finally just thin out and disappear. So a piece of birthday cake doesn't leave me the next day. It leaves me 10 days later. All the sugar can't break down so my fat cells grab it and hang on!! That piece of cake won't effect the average persons weight. I'll gain 3 pounds. From one piece of cake. Now imagine if I eat pasta and then cake. And then have a muffin for breakfast the next morning. All that sugar has no where to go but fat cells.
If I eat like the average person, I will rapidly gain weight that I will not be able to get rid of.
This goes back to what I said before. I put this out there to explain and protect myself. If I shoot up 20 pounds in 2 months. It's not always because of being lazy. It's because I ate like a regular person for a week or so.
 
3. NO jeans
The imbalanced hormones in my......lower regions. Make it a yeast FACTORY. Anything remotely tight or unbreathable is like vagina suicide. If those infection get bad, they travel up my......stuff......and get nice and comfy in my uterus. It hurts. It burns. It itches. I run a low fever and can't sleep, but I'm so lethargic. It's painful. I associate the feeling to mild contractions.
Denim is too thick and restricting. Even if I bought loose jeans, the fabric is just too thick and can't breath. Pantyhose are the other no no.
I don't want to wear athletic pants every day, and slacks are a little classy for the park!! I haven't came to a solutions to this yet, but I have a feeling Kohl's is going to help!!
I'm explaining myself so everyone doesn't think I've gone totally off the deep end fashion wise, or have become a slob and only wear sweat pants.
 
I'd like to thank anyone who made it to the end of this long freaking post. It is a lot of boring information that no one probably cares about. But like I said before, I feel a need to explain myself so that everyone will understand and have mercy in their hearts and not judge me as I battle through this mortal struggle. 
 
I am sensitive about this subject. Not so much that an accidental comment will hurt me. I understand that sometimes the wrong thing is said in complete innocence. I just feel the need to explain to satisfy my own anxiety over the whole ordeal.

7 comments:

Meka said...

I'm so sorry, I hate stupid hormone issues! I can share some yummy dessert recipes sweetened with honey and dates if you want! It's been over a year since I've given up sugar and it has helped my endometriosis a lot! It was hard because i had been so addiced to it but once I saw results It got easier! You can totally do it! And don't even worry about the jeans, you will be so cute and comfy in maxi skirts/dresses!

ShEiLa said...

Do you have PCOS? I know you mentioned health issues briefly before... I just can't remember back... maybe I will look back in other posts.

Hang in there Miss Ashley!

ToOdLeS.

Bowler Family said...

Sheila- yes I have PCOS. And a couple of other female problems. But that's one making all the trouble!!

ShEiLa said...

I just found your March 14, 2012 post... They just diagnosed Stewart's wife with PCOS as well. She has been having huge struggles and I feel for you.

I have a friend whose daughter has struggled for years... she has never been able to have children... I guess our Jenny was lucky to have 3.

The most frustrating part has to be the weight gain... and hair in places that you don't want hair. Oh and acne... I guess the problems hit everyone a bit differently.

I am so sorry.

ToOdLeS.

ShEiLa said...

ps. I think everyone with PCOS needs to have a support group. (or I guess anyone with any chronic disease or syndrome. I find comfort with Sjogren's knowing I am not alone.

Bowler Family said...

There actually are support groups for PCOS. She can find online ones that have a councellor available to chat with. Tell her to do her research!! It helps!!
I have hair and acne and dark spots too. Tell her to spoil her skin and Proactive helps me a lot.

Trent & Tara said...

Ashley I cam so sorry how hard it has to be to hear that news. No sugar would kill me too, but the carb thing holy hardness. I love you and if there is any way I can help you let me know.