When Words Aren't Enough

The last week has been one of the most emotional and over whelming of my entire life. I don't think it would be fair to not publicly thank some very special people.

First off. Thank you to anyone who even thought about us for a moment, or sent a prayer our way. We have needed them and they are much appreciated.

Thank you to all the wonderful medical personal that were with us step by step. There is a fantastic nurse in the Sunrise Labor & Delivery OR that I will never forget. I was scared to death for my C section and she held my hand, held me and soothed me through the whole ordeal. I know Heavenly Father put her there because I needed her understanding and compassion. The anesthesiologist was also an amazing man. He was a high councilman for his stake and had a calm voice. He knew how scared I was and made sure he was extra careful so I wouldn't be afraid.

I am so thankful for my specialist Dr. Wold. He didn't have to do my surgery, but he chose to. It meant so much to have a familiar face in the OR. He is an amazing doctor and also knew I was scared. He brought my daughter very safely into this world and talked to me the whole time so I wouldn't be afraid.

I don't know where I would be with out my husband. He has done some serious dirty work. He has dressed me, and cleaned me and cared for me. He has been a patient, willing slave for a week and has never even frowned about it. He has jumped every time I asked for something. He has been in charge when I just didn't want to be. He has sheltered me and lifted me up and I don't know what I would do with out him.

I am so thankful for my sister. She has taken my daughter and treated her like one of her own, so my mom could have a break. I know she has thought of me and understood me. I feel like we share this private secret now that we have both have had C sections. I aways had sympathy for her, but I never knew how scary and painful it was!

Most of all I am so thankful for my mom. She has had Ella for almost a week. I was so worried about Ella being there with her, because sometimes Ella can be really intense! My mom kept telling me how good she has been, and I realized it wasn't Ella who made that environment. It was my mom. She made Ella feel safe, and loved and cared for her with all her heart. I could trust her with out question and knew Ella was safe and happy the whole time. It was hard to leave Ella. I haven't ever done it before. But I knew she was in hands more capable than mine. There is not a big enough thank you or a way to repay such a thing. I routinely take my mom for granted and this week showed me just how much she does for me and how much she means to my family. I love her and my dad so much and I am so glad they are my parents. I am so glad they were able to take my daughter into their home and love her so much, she didn't even realize I was gone.

It has been a very emotional last couple of days. I love my new little girl so much. I have kept a vigilant heart, that everything is going to be okay. I have to keep that feeling or I might just collapse. I am thankful for her little spirit and I am praying that one day I am going to look back on this and remember how hard it was, but see her and have graciousness that she thrived.

Words are something I pride myself with being able to use. I feel like I have the ability to put thoughts down on paper and use them to describe my feelings. But today there are no words. I am so thankful and blessed. I can only use those basics to describe what is in my heart, and sometimes the basic is the most powerful.