The Cynical Observations of My Own Inadequacies

I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints. This is a religion I love. I believe with
all my heart in its principles and teachings. The gospel itself has never made me feel inadequate, or self-conscious. The church itself is perfect and ordained of God. It is the members that I am going to mock!! Good naturally, of course.
If you are a Mormon woman, these are the pressures you may face amongst your peers!!
Wake up for 5 am scripture study. With a delighted smile on your face of course!
Make a nutritious breakfast for all 7 of your children.
Happily send said children to school to excel in all areas, because you spend hours a day pouring
over their homework with them to make sure they are up to speed.
Clean your house spotless. Using the all-natural cleansers you made yourself.
Bake a homemade birthday cake for little Billy. Don’t you DARE use a box!! Shame!! That thing
better be from scratch. Bake it while wearing the designer apron you handmade yourself. You also made 15 others to give out as Christmas gifts last year.
Frost the cake with frosting, also from scratch. Heck!! You dyed it blue with
the blueberries from your garden!!
Run around 5 miles to keep your body fit and your mind sharp. Besides, that marathon you’re running for charity is right around the corner!!
Go to the school for room mother duties. Billy’s class loved the cake!! How could they not? It was 4 tiers and in the shape in a truck, wasn’t it!!
Begin preparations for a gourmet dinner. With the vegetables you raise in your garden, and the organic meat you won in the Boy Scout raffle.
Feed your family on an immaculate table with the placemats you loomed yourself. From the yarn you spun yourself. From your very own sheep.
Plan a flawless family home evening complete with an inspiring message that made every one of your children thank you for being such a great mom. They are off the bed pondering
the deep meanings of your lesson.
Finish up the marching band uniforms you offered to custom sew. All 50 are all finished!!
Slip into bed next toyour husband who could pass as a Calvin Klein model. He can plumb your house, fix your electricity, tune up the car and mow the yard all in one day. He’s also 1st counselor in the Stake Young Men’s. But it’s ok he’s never home to help with children because that’s YOUR job anyway!!
Kiss him goodnight as the sign above your bed instructs. Smile lovingly and tell him your big news. Yep!! We’re pregnant again!! Number 8!! He’s delighted that you are procreating
the Earth!!
Better get to sleep now. 5 am comes soon. But first feel a euphoric rush of completion of how
PERFECT your life is and how your children complete you and even when they are screaming, you recognize it as a lesson to be learned. Because they were sentJUST TO YOU and they are special spirits!!
Contented sigh…….