Memorial Day

Do not stand at my grave and weep;

 I am not there. I do not sleep.

 I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow,

I am the sunlight on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain,

 When you wake in the morning's hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

 Of quiet birds in circled flight,

 I am the soft stars that shine at night,

 Do not stand at my grave and cry;

I am not there, I did not die.

Ella's Play

Ella's class put on a little play for the parents.

It was called 

"Cinderella, the other side of the story."

Ella was Harmony, the misunderstood, wrongly accused step sister.

It was super cute and I loved watching her cute little class.

Ella had Mrs. Mills this year,

and she was wonderful!!

Organization is my favorite trait in a person and Mrs. Mills is amazing.

Color coded, itemized, labels....

swoon....

I'm thankful she puts so much time into her work as a teacher.

Teachers are the single most important profession and they are grossly under paid.

I am thankful for the amazing people who choose to dedicate their lives to little minds!! 

Last Day of Pre K

Scarlet had her last day of school today!!

I can't believe it!!

I met with her teacher and the host of other committee members to discuss her advancement,

and it was unanimously decided that she is ready for kindergarten!!

I am so happy for her.

It was a journey to get her to this place.

It was often a very hard journey filled with many tears.

But we did it!!

I am proud of this little girl.

So very very proud.

I don't like to brag about my children, I think it's distasteful,

but I will openly praise this.

Our entire family worked with, and for Scarlet.

She grew and developed and I know it was hard for her.

I know it was confusing and frustrating and that it made her sad and mad.

And I am so proud of us.

I am so proud we did it.

And I am so thankful to my Father in Heaven that he led us and loved us and heard our prayers.

I am deeply grateful to the teachers and aid she had the last 2 years.

Those woman deserve more than they are paid, and I wish I could buy them each 

some diamonds or a car.

They helped me, my family, and my little girl.

I will always be grateful to them.

Every time I take a first and last day picture of Ella, there is little to no change,

we'll see in a few days if this year was the same!!

But this little girl GREW!!

She is kind and concerned for others.

\She loves us so much and has a tender heart.

She is smart and strong,

and I am so glad she chose me as her mother.

I love her so much.

Water Day!!

I went to water day with Ella's class this year.

This was the first time!!

Usually I send Ella on her merry way and don't get involved,

but the reality of: 

"I'm not having any more children so I need to make these 2 count and spend all the days with them before I'm old and alone"

has really set in!!

 We had a wonderful morning and the kids were awesome!!

 Ella, like her mother does not excess at the slip n slide!!

We just don't have the free trust to dive onto the ground and not try to catch ourselves!!

These girls were so cute and fun and played so well together.

I'm glad I was brave and went up.

It may seem strange to use the word brave,

but for me it is!!

Now this little girl is going to come home exhausted!!

Dance Recital

Ella had her dance recital this week.

She loves dance so much.

I love watching her express herself through this form of art.

I can just see she loves it.

I can see the music flow threw her and it brings tears to my eyes every time I watch her perform.

As a teen and even as a young adult,

I never thought I would be such an emotional, weepy adult.

But I am.

And I really don't care.

I love watching my beautiful daughter do something she loves.

 She gets a little nervous.

Especially with 2 of her dances because they were difficult and she didn't feel prepared.

But she went out and performed her best and I am very proud of her.

I loved watching you Ella.

And I will watch you for years to come!!

Happy Mother's Day

I think it is proper that a day was set aside to celebrate mothers.

When I told my Granny that all I wanted to be when I grew up, was a mother,

she hugged me, told me that was a wonderful goal,

and then advised me,

"A man's work is done at sunset,

but a mother's work is never done."

And it's true.

And some days it's daunting, and hard, and there is little thanks!!

But I wouldn't trade my little girls for anything.

Even as hard as some of the times have been,

I would not change a thing,

if I had to go back and make the decision again.

 I am so grateful for my own wonderful mother.

She went with out so we could have what we needed.

She sewed clothes,

and baked goodies.

She found stuffed animals,

and combed hair.

She went to game after game after game.

She got up singing every morning, and we are all so ornery when we wake up,

that we might have squashed it out of her.

I raid her pantry on a daily basis,

and my children love her so much.

I am so grateful to have been born into the family that I was.

I love my dear sister.

She is an example to me,

and when I went through the disaster that was 2014,

she was my hope.

I know that her amazing spirit was sensitive to the Lord and he whispered wisdom to her that she could then share with me.

This is my favorite part of Mother's Day.

Of course I enjoy having someone else clean, and cook, and entertain children.

And yes of course I really like getting presents, and gift card, and sweet love notes.

But my favorite of all,

are the little pictures and crafts from my girls.

I am very grateful for the honor I have to be a mother.

I love these crazy, hyper, demanding, thoughtful, beautiful, precious children.

11 Years

11 years ago (yesterday) I was married in the Las Vegas LDS temple.

I was very afraid that day.

I sat calm and collected with in those sacred walls,

but inside I was panicking and doing everything I could to not run screaming out the doors and into the desert heat.

I looked at Brent while we waited and tearfully told him exactly what I was thinking,

a trait I just possess, 

and he very lovingly told me in his 22 year old wisdom,

that everything would be ok.

I believed him.

And he was right.

Brent and I have had our fair share of trials.

I openly stress that we haven't had the HARDEST things happen,

but they have been hard for us.

He is a wonderful man.

He is not perfect.

But neither am I.

And thank goodness.

We have held each other through sick babies,

and loss,

and career woes.

We have fought to the death over what color to paint or room, or who has to clean the car.

We have laughed about stupid things,

We have laughed to cover tears.

We have cried with joy and with sorrow.

We have brought two amazing little girls into our lives.

And two over weight, mostly worthless pets.

I love him.

And I am so grateful we have each other.

These are our engagement pictures.

*photos courtesy of Tara Leavitt.

The Bowler Family

Est. May 7th 2005

We have been husband and wife for approximately 2 hours.....

and I'm already glaring at him.

Our first glare....wistful sigh.....

See that trash can?

My sister filled it full of cleaning supplies and gave it to us.

I still have it!!

May Day

I will admit.

In years past I have dreaded May Day.

I had to have a perpetually angry Scarlet on my lap, or standing by me.

There is no where near enough seating.

It's an understandably slow process.

The year PreK did the hokey pokey I almost killed myself.

I'm usually hot.

But this year was different.

This year both my daughters were dancing.

I realized they are going to do this for a few years and then it's on to organized sports.

The dances were so cute.

Scarlet's little class did a line dance-esque little number and she was darling.

I may be biased, but I thought so.

 I know it sounds silly,

but I was so proud of her.

For following instructions and being in front of people.

Something she has struggled with. 

The 2nd grade did a "Current" theme.

I thought this was kind of weird when the note came home,

but we looked over the "Millennial" list and it was fun to find stuff that I wore.

I'm not that old!!

I felt like you could tell who actually lived during the turn of the millennium, 

cuz we were dead on!! Haha!!

 Ella did very well.

I love to watch her dance because it makes her so happy.

She hasn't derived as much enjoyment out of dance lately because the routines are a little more complicated.

The class covers a wide age range and it's just been a little much.

But I loved watching her at May Day.

She had a huge smile on her face and she was confident in the moves and liked the song.

I'm from Moapa Valley.

One of those crazy people who has been here since it was a swamp and President Young sent us.

I feel confident in saying my Granny probably did May Day!!

I'm glad I can sit in a crowded set of bleachers and watch my little girls and keep this tradition.

Yes, it's kind of a pain in the butt, for everyone involved!!

But I look at our town and I see all the native families starting to thin, and I miss when we were a small town with small town people.

The Road So Far

About a year ago, I was casually telling my friend that I didn't have any TV shows to watch.

I don't watch regular TV so I have to depend on Netflix to supply me with entertainment.

I don't watch a ton of TV, but I like to when I use my stationary bike, my elliptical or as I'm falling asleep

I had burned threw Physc (which I love and rewatch all the time!!)

Scrubs

I had exhausted Fraiser and Ghost Hunters

Big Bang and Parks and Rec were in hiatus.

I've given up hope that Sherlock will ever come back.

She commented, "You should watch Supernatural."

I immediately declined. No way, that stuff is scary.

She assured me it had a complex story line that was more than just monsters, and that I would like it.

Sigh. Alright, I'll try it.

I watched the first minute and turned it off!!

It was scary!!

Baby crib?

Mobil moving on its own?

Screw that!!

A few weeks later I tried it again.

Slowly over the last 14 months, (I started in March 2015)

I watched this show.

I didn't realize it was going into its 11th season with no end in sight.

I was under the impression that a couple of lovely men killed monsters and were funny sometimes.

NO!!

This is a lie!!

This has been 14 months of pain!!

Every now and then they trick me with an episode that is funny and safe,

but it doesn't stay that way for long!!

It's only a matter of time before the gut wrenching pain is back, breaking my heart for people WHO DON'T EVEN EXIST.

The last episode of season 9, I literally threw the headphones across the room.

I don't put it on the TV because the last thing my girls need is to watch a show about monsters and demons, and for some reason it doesn't seem as scary when I have it on the IPad with head phones on.

I'm not even sure why I watch this show.

Because it sucks you in!!

You get attached to the characters and all you want is for the poor things to have some relief and remember hope!!

An no one is safe.

Everyone dies.

Even the main characters.

Oh they come back.

From Hell.

From Purgatory.

From torture and pain and loss.

I decided to share this to warn all those out there.

If you watch this show, you will not stop.

It is well written and the 2 main characters are stunning examples of male beauty.

But most of the time, you just want to see the poor things be able to sleep and offer them free therapy, and maybe share the gospel so they can have a knowledge of life after death!!

I don't even know why I posted about this.

Maybe to admit my secret.

That I too have fallen subject to angels, demons, and hunters.

Maybe because I can't keep all the chaos inside!!

But hey, at least its not the Novellas!!

A Little Surprise

Brent was pulling weeds in the front of our house and found a strange looking weed.

Upon further inspection he realized it was a pumpkin!!

It sprouted from a seed from the jack o lantern guts we scooped out last fall and was disguarded among the rocks.

I am amazed because it had to break threw the black plastic, get no water, and thrive among the rocks in the direct sunlight, and still managed to live!!

The girls were so excited.

I moved the pitiful thing into a plastic tupperware bowl and relocated it to the rest of the flowers.

It's roots were thin and barely clinging on, so I hope it can make it!!

If not, I'll go down to home hardware and get a pumpkin plant and switch it out,

because there is nothing wrong with letting my children hold on to some hope!!

Friendly Neighborhood Spider

My husband and daughters are a little sick.

They found a spider who had spun a web from our porch pole to our fence.

Now an average person would squash it or break the web.

No. Not my family.

They have been catching ants and feeding the nasty thing.

So it is thriving, getting fatter and fatter.

The black dots are old prey.

I guess he's a hoarder.

The fat thing in the middle with the legs is the spider.

That's just lovely.

What We've Been Up To

We have been busy!!

The end of the school year comes with rushing and planning and trying to get everything wrapped up.

We put in an offer on a house and it has been accepted, we're now trying to get through the mess of closing.

In the mean time, we've been keeping busy!!

 Every Sunday my girls fight over who gets to sit by Grandpa.

Or more accurately, on him.

Scarlet won this articular Sunday.

 One of my New Year's Goals was to read scriptures as a family.

So far we've been doing well!!

We're currently finishing the last chapter of Jacob.

I love to snuggle all together and the girls are holding still and I get to hold them for a moment.

Even Kato joins the fun.

I will admit, he prefers Scarlet.

But Molly prefers Ella. Vastly prefers her!!

 Ella has been busy with homework and dance practice.

She has enjoyed dance, but it has been a little intense since the new year.

We've talked about it, and next year she wants to do a music class.

Violin or piano.

I fully support this!!

 Sacrament meeting can be one of my favorite hours of the week.

My girls sit quietly and draw or color or snack on goldfish.

One or both of them might graciously grant me with snuggling.

Scarlet had got up ridiculously early this particular morning, and decided my full skirt was perfect to roll up in and cuddle.

Spring brings many emotions for me.

I'm excited for my new flowers and roses.

The fresh, moist air and the longer days are glorious.

But I can feel the hot, terrible breath of summer on my neck and I shiver.

The temperature taunts me with beautiful, breezy days,

grey rainy days,

and hot, stale days.

And I wait.

Wait for the heat to win and settle in.

But oh I love my plants......sigh....